I've been keep thinking, things around us change, the character of a person also change because of the environment.... is it necessary? Man in disguise, with hidden agenda.... seems to be too dangerous. From friends become foe, from good friends become stranger. Maybe i'm not that understanding, i couldn't figure out what is the exact motive. Or maybe i'm too naive to believe in people? My instinct tells me, once a friend, not forever is still friend.
I don't want to play politics, I've been going with it for one year. I'm tired.... exhausted....and filled with despair.
I told myself, it's time to let go....... there was a very dark period where i need to handle my emotion towards 4 obstacles/conflicts. Heartache, pain, disappointment, pressure and tension, all came at the same time. My health was terribly bad then, i was really traumatised with what happened to me. Thank God to let my good frens staying with me. I spent one and the half day to recover and stand up to solve another problem. That was another way to stop my depression from attacking me as it had come to a point i wanted to isolate myself. God helps me to get back to my positive thinking, to get back my fighting spirit.
I got to the battle and I fought to the last where i had already set my objective to handle the whole grand event. I thought of every single detail of the event. I did my best with the assistance of my unofficial committee. But who knows, the result was a paradox. I got half of it... HALF? Everybody's mood went down nor i could control. It'll be meaningless where i couldn't achieve the satisfaction. I don't want to fight, not that i'm being defeated. I'm here to enjoy and gain experience and not competing with others. I don't want to see an event splitting into 2 awfully.
I give up, eventually. All because i don't want to see the next batch fighting with each other psychologically, comparing which party is better. What's the point?
Win, lose or draw.
